My plan for this week was well laid out. I made a list of all I needed to do on each day. A week busier then most, but one full of fun and memorable activities was all planned out…
and then life happened to me…
Nothing tragic or anything, just a back injury from a car accident that decided to show it’s ugly face in an untimely manner.
When this happens I can barely move. Pain racks my entire body, and putting one foot in front of the other takes all the strength I can muster.
I really hate it when this happens.
I hate to be physically weak or dependent upon others.
I hate it when I have to ask for help.
I hate how it breaks my husbands’ and childrens’ hearts to see me in pain.
I hate having a “To Do” list unfinished.
I just want to be healthy and strong…all the way healthy and strong…not half way or most of the way…ALL of the way.
We have a house full of people coming to celebrate my Ava today and again tomorrow. It’s Mother’s Day weekend and I wanted to write notes of gratitude and appreciation to the Mom’s and Grandmother’s in my life.
Instead, I am laying here in bed wrestling with the disappointment in my heart and pain in my body, staring at my purple toe nail polish.
My dear husband took my list and said as he kissed my cheek that he would take of it…all I needed to do was rest.
My girls cleaned the house, folded laundry and made a list of their own for this day.
How can a Momma fully rest when she feels displaced by pain?
When the wrestlings of her heart are greater than her physical pain?
Where do I find rest when I have had to relinquish my plan and rely on others?
What can I offer when my hands are suddenly empty?
I can offer grace.
I can smile through tears of pain.
I can replace words of complaint with words of thankfulness and gratitude.
I can lay aside my agenda and see the grace that is being bestowed on my home.
I can lower my expectations of how clean I wanted my home to be, how perfectly decorated I wanted these parties.
I can find perspective….
This pain isn’t permament. I will be fine in a couple of days.
I am here to watch the smiles and excited faces.
I will watch as wrapping paper is torn and shouts of joy are shouted!
I will still be behind the camera capturing moments to cherish as life long memories.
Life doesn’t go as planned.
Today, I will embrace the fact that life is beautiful when perspective is found.
My God does not leave me in my despair. He whispers reminders of His strength when I have none of my own.
Birds chirp outside of my bedroom window reminding me that He cares for us all.
Beauty is right beside me if I will but listen.
The importance of the tasks listed on the lines of my notebook fade as I compare them with the more important matters of the heart…
I may not be able to be all that I wanted to be in my home today but I can choose to be all I NEED to be….
I will live in His Amazing Abundant GRACE.